Sunday, November 27, 2005


For the last two nights, I've dreamt of Heidi Sims. I've never met her or talked to her, but I secretly read her site several times per week to see how she's doing.

Friday night, I dreamt that I was in Kansas. I had been abducted by some guy, but I got away. As I was running down and endless country road, I saw Heidi jogging towards me with her son Colin. He was in one of those three-wheeled strollers that serious joggers put their kids in. Anyway, I recognized her from a mile away, which I know is impossible. But I swear I knew who she was as soon as I saw a figure in the distance. She recognized me too, and asked if I needed any help. The dream ended there. When I woke up, I wondered why it was her in the dream. Anyone who knows her story would wonder the same thing. Why wasn't it someone who hadn't experienced so much tragedy, someone who didn't have anything better to do than help me escape? I haven't been able to stop thinking about it.

Last night was worse. And I guess the dream wasn't so much about Heidi, but I thought of her in it. My husband left for his second tour in Iraq. He came home in a casket a couple of weeks later. I got a call from some guy in my husband's unit saying that I needed to come pick up Mark's body. When I got there, no one was there to console me. I can't even explain how devastated I was. Every spouse thinks about how they would react, where they would go, who they would turn to. But I could have never imagined feeling so hopeless about my husband's death...Even in my worst nightmare. Anyway, the dream gets cloudy from here, but I went to the lake while it was warm and sunny. I laid on a water float and sobbed. I thought to myself in the dream, this is how Heidi felt. Apparently, I was sobbing out loud, and woke my husband in the process. He wanted to know what I was crying about. All I could think was, thank God that was a dream. I can't help but wish that it would have been a dream for Heidi too.

1 comment:

Sarah said...

I think it's so sad that Heidi doesn't dream about her husband. If I were Heidi, I'd want to see him every night, and I'd be horrified that I never did...