Pride

I've started three different posts in the last couple weeks, but haven't had the desire to finish them. So they sit, saved as drafts, never to be seen by anyone but me.

I'm having another slump at work. I started out great, had a slump in the middle, and finished my first three months as strong as I possibly could.

My dreaded 90-day evaluation was last week (maybe the week before). I could have hurled as my boss and I walked outside to sit on the steps and go over all the things I've done wrong. As we sat and talked, I was surprised to hear that he his overall impression of me was good; my biggest flaw was my lack of humility.

And so, after being told that I have great potential of being a store manager, my boss got up and shook my hand. I was a little shocked; I was expecting the automatic raise that everyone gets after ninety days - and there was no mention of it. On our way back inside, I asked him about it. He stammered something about how he started me out at such a high wage that he wouldn't be authorized to do that (by the way, leave in the comments section what you would consider a "high wage"). I found myself saying, "C'mon, at least give me a quarter, Boss."

The answer was no, and I refused to beg for $40 extra a month.

The evaluation was the start of this current slump. I have a hard time believing all of the positive things he said if he isn't willing to pay me for it. After all, everyone else that I work with has gotten the raise. And now I find myself thinking, what the hell is the point?

And I've noticed a pattern. I have a really hard time working for "I know it all, I fucking rock the world" type men. Dr. Jackass was one of them; my current boss is another.

The similarities between these two men are frightening: a) they are both extremely intelligent b) know they are extremely intelligent c) want everyone else to think they are extremely intelligent, even at the cost of being cruel and d) I've hated working for both of them.

The thing that separates these two men from true greatness, in my opinion, is the ability to treat others with decency, respect, and compassion. And one of the things I've learned from these two men is that no matter how genius you are, in the end, it doesn't make one damn bit of difference if you have to make others feel stupid.

And so, I've decided not only to a) find a new job, but b) refocus my attempt to leave a legacy of kindness rather than greatness (unless, of course, I find the child that busted my window).