Clarity

When my boss fires someone, he tells them, "I'm freeing up your future. You are no longer employed by Action Pawn."

Today, I called him and said, "I'm freeing up my future. As of August 31st, I will no longer be employed by Action Pawn."

It's been a series of events, really, that have led me to consider the chance that Scout and I will be eating Ramen and cancelling our subscription to Direct TV, but they're all mundane details that really aren't worth going into. The bottom line is that I'm just not happy. And at the ripe ol' age of 27, I feel too old to be bothered with the bullshit I deal with every day at work. It's time to be happy.

And so, with the balls I've built up by being a Pawn Broker (the eight months there hasn't been a total waist), I've decided that it's time to stop saying, "Maybe someday I'll..." and actually start doing what I've been putting off.

I've realized two things about myself in recent months: 1) I hate being told what to do, how and when to do it, and then being critiqued on it anyway. I want to be the one giving orders, not following them. 2) I've always wanted to dictate how much money I make. No more eight bucks an hour, thank you very much. I'm ready for (and worth) more.

The only way I figure both of these will happen is to go into business for myself. It's taken a long time for me to come to a decision about what one thing I actually want to commit myself to. I've thought about a yarn shop (not a big enough market here), an Alpaca farm (too expensive), and a coffee shop (too much competition). However, I've always known that when times are tough, people always need food and shelter. Food and shelter. Not yarn, not cute fuzzy llama lookin' things, not coffee.

I've realized that when 80 people tell you that you're good at something, you should listen. I should have figured this out years ago when people would walk into my house and tell me how beautiful it was. Even today, with half of my house in "being remodeled" status, friends gasp when they walk in the front door.

I've always loved taking something hideous and making it beautiful. I must admit, Scout tested me a bit when he bought our house without me seeing it first. I was scared when I walked in and things he saw as awesome were things I saw as daunting "this has to go now" projects. But I must say, with all the work we've done, I love our home. Even with all of the things needing to be done, we have transformed something ugly into something pretty sweet.

And so, shelter it is. I'm venturing into the world of house-flipping (taking a hideous - yet structurally sound- house, making it beautiful, and selling it for a profit). I'm still doing my research, and will most likely be applying for an office job of some sort in the meanwhile, but I actually feel like I can do this now.

One can't be a Pawn Broker forever. Well, at least this girl can't.

Wish me luck.