Scout and I are in the process of filling out the most ridiculous adoption questionnaire, consisting of 126 extremely intrusive questions (and most of them have multiple questions disguised as one. It's more like 399 questions).
My favorite? Number 66 (particularly the last two questions):
How does your spouse display affection? How would you describe your sexual relationship? Who most initiates sex?
I owe a beer to whoever can come up with the best/funniest/most inappropriate answers for these questions. Big Dick, I'm pullin' for you.
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How does your spouse display affection?
He cuddles with a beer and cigarette without burning me.
How would you describe your sexual relationship?
Just fine. How would you like to describe your sex life to me?
Who most initiates sex?
Whomever sees the full moon and starts barking with the dogs first.
Does this win me another Starbucks card??
Dad
Funny Mike, good try. It ought to win you something.
How does you spouse display affection?
He only smacks me when he's REALLY angry.
How would you describe your sexual relationship?
Kinky, with a side order of S&M.
Who most initiates sex?
Whoever's the least drunk.
How does your spouse dispay affection?
He takes his combat boots off first.
How would you describe your sexual relationship?
Field Artillery - King of Battle
Who most initiates sex?
Depends, is it before or after deployment?
"
How does your spouse display affection?" "Get in the truck, bitch.
"How would you describe your sexual relationship? " If ya take out the midgets and chickens, sometimes it gets pretty weird.
"Who most initiates sex?" Usually, Mother does. Why do you ask?
Dick
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