Funeral

The flowers:

Carrying Mama to her final resting place; I didn't realize at the time how honored I would feel having shared this role with two of the most important men in my life:


My attempt to bring her home with me:

Regret

My Mama (my grandmother, pronounced MawMaw) called a couple weeks ago and left a voicemail to let me know she was having surgery. It was a non life-threatening surgery, so I put off calling her.

I kept telling myself that I would call to check in on her when I was less tired or less busy. I was going to tell her about all the crazy things Tucker was up to, how work was going.

She died this morning.

Not only do I feel terribly sad, but deeply regretful that I didn't just get on the phone and call her. Just one last time.

I'll be driving to Wichita on Tuesday after work. Interesting how I've rearranged five days of my life to say good-bye to her, but I couldn't have cleared five minutes of my life to tell her hello.

Hot Mess (and a Picture)

"Just go home. It's only going to get worse from here."

Do you ever have a day that the universe is telling you that?

It was one of those days for me yesterday.

I had a nice outfit on, complete with slingback heels and fancy trousers. However, as I was walking into the school, my right shoe kept slipping off. I rushed to the bathroom and took off my nylons. No more slipping. Wardrobe crisis averted.

And then I had to meet with a boss that I'm not particularly fond of. She's a tiny little woman who wears a lot of grey. Her angular features look unfriendly and her hair is tightly pulled into a pony tail. And she spells my name incorrectly. Consistently. For those of you who have never met an Erin or an Aaron, E-r-i-n is for girls and A-a-r-o-n is for boys. It's been that way forever. It's not a complicated concept. Just sayin'.

At any rate, the meeting was fine, but not wonderful.

And then. I fell.

I'm not talking about one of those Trip And Catch Yourself Falls. I'm talking about a Full-On Flying Across the Pavement Fall. I was on my way to the car. As I was walking, my Pain in the Ass Slingbacks got caught in the cuff of my fancy trousers. It was over; there was no chance to catch myself. I had a coke in my right hand, car keys in my left, and change in my pocket - it all went flying (just a little bit further than me). And it was caught on the security cameras. I'll never live that one down.

And then on the way to my doctor appointment, which I was really looking forward to because I was going to discuss getting to the bottom of my infertility, I realized that not only had I left my military ID at the house, but I had the one car that wasn't registered on post. At this point I about lost it.

I was a hot mess.

Luckily, Scout remembered my appointment and realized the same problem; he was on his way home as I arrived there to call him. While I was ten minutes late to my appointment, I was still seen. And I heart my doctor.

He made me feel hopeful about getting pregnant - although I think hope is sometimes a curse. But for now, I'm feeling positive about the plans we've put into place. I might blog about it later, or not. I haven't really decided yet.

And on a totally unrelated note, here's Tuck helping me make cookies. If ever I'm in the kitchen not involving him, he'll pat me on the butt and say, "Mama, mama, mama, mama..." until I find a place for him on the counter. And then he'll lick the sugar and butter off the beaters and be perfectly content just hanging out with me:

Trying Not to Dwell

I'm still reeling from what happened this week. But I'm trying to get over it.

I started looking at pictures of the weekend we had in Buena Vista not too long ago - we had such a good time. But it's funny how the more fun we have, the less pictures we have to show for it. At any rate, here's what I have.

This was the view from our room. For real:

Me being dramatic after a two-hour horseback ride:

Scout will kill me for this one - he fell asleep in his hunting boots and pajamas (such a sexy combination):

And my cutie in his snow suit - he wasn't fond of the snow on his hands:

We stayed at the Mount Princeton Hot Springs Resort and it was amazing. We actually sat in the natural hot springs which were super (super) hot. And the wildlife was unreal; I've never seen so many Mule Deer in such a short period of time (and so close!).

One Less

It's amazing how a dog as sweet as this -


- can inflict damage like this:


Obi will be ok. Daisy, however, will be meeting her maker later this afternoon.

I'm Still Here (Barely)

So I'm lame. I haven't had much of a desire to blog lately.

While I've had numerous topics to blog about, I couldn't will myself to do so. (Fort Hood, for example. What the fuck?)

And while I've been making a concerted effort not to cuss as much (both in real life and on my blog), for today (or this week in general) the word, "fuck" seems to fit so perfectly into how I'm feeling.

You know how when you stub your toe, for example, and the only appropriate words to release the pain and anger you feel are, "Oh, FUCK!"? Yeah, that's me. And I have a few stubbed toes.

Long story short: My husband has an AWOL soldier that said he would turn himself in the day he kills Scout. Scout is in the field this week. Guess who gets to deal with this lunatic should he make good on his promise and show up at our door? Me (don't worry, I'm ready for him). But seriously, that's a heavy fucking burden.

And tonight. Daisy attacked my friend's dog. When I say, "attacked", I mean that had I gotten outside any later, he wouldn't have made it to the emergency room - where he currently is.

So I'm considering taking the day off tomorrow to have her euthanized. I wish you could know how painful that is to even type. And proof read. Fuck.

It's been a hell of a week. Tears are flowing. Fuck, fuck, fuck.

Sample Pictures