Monday, July 07, 2008

Excuse me, ma'am. Your vagina is showing.

So it's been about two weeks since I quit smoking, and I'm feeling really good. The problem with the medication that's helping me to quit (Chantix) is that I'm sleepy all day long (whether I take a nap or not) and wide awake at night. It's not working with my schedule to say the least (but hey, I'm not smoking either).

Tonight I've been tossing, turning, and thinking about a lady I saw at the pool the other day. I don't know what's more disturbing - the fact that she was wearing what she was wearing, or the fact that I can't get it out of my mind. You decide.

I'm the last person to say that there should be some kind of code for who can or cannot wear bikinis. I'm sure if there were such a code, I would be one of the first to be excluded. However, I do wear one from time to time. My theory: A one-piece doesn't hide the fat. So to hell with it - I'm going to get a better tan.

Well, as Scout Jr was swimming with a friend of hers, I was holding Tucker and soaking up the sun with a friend of mine. A woman walked past me in what seemed to be a decent bathing suit from the front: A basic black bikini. However, as she continued walking by me, my mouth dropped open and I could not believe what I saw. From the side view, her bikini was extremely high cut and her lower abdomen had some rolls that poked out quite far. The combination of the two exposed her Paul Bunyan (don't make me spell that one out for you). I am telling you - I could tell what number blade she used to trim. Seriously, it was that bad.

I had some conflicting thoughts. Should I tell her that her vagina is...um. Wait, how do you tell someone that their privates are hanging out? Does she know that she should have just left the bottom half of her bikini at home? But maybe she honestly doesn't realize? Maybe she adjusted the suit just right at home, and by the time she got to the pool, it was all jacked up and inappropriate?

Needless to say, I didn't tell the woman about the situation south of her belly button. I mean really. I can't imagine walking up to someone and saying, "Excuse me, ma'am. Your vagina is showing."

No, wouldn't happen. But I really wish I could get it out of my mind and get some sleep!

11 comments:

Cindy said...

Maybe if you ever see her again you should have a talk with her. Chances are though is that she really doesn't care or she wouldn't leave her house like that. I mean really look in the mirror.

Here is a case in point...we know a certain goat lady, the one who shows up at Safeway smelling like a male goat. We all recently went to a wedding. She shows up in her jeans that we saw her in on the 4th of July. Probably the same jeans she milked and fed the goats in. The husband wore the same clothes he had on the night before as well. Your sister said it....they don't care. Who would give a gift card to the bride with no card. I rest my case. There is no figuring it out. So get some sleep.

Nicole said...

Oh my goodness...I truly needed that laugh (but maybe not the mental picture :) I am amazed at, umm, the apparent lack of mirrors at times as well...FUNNY!

Smirking Cat said...

I am not sure how she didn't feel it, but at the very least, she had to know the suit didn't fit very well. So I probably would have let it go. Still, I wonder how many people noticed but were embarrassed to say anything!

Laura said...

BAD mental image!

I don't know if I would say anything, but I'd sure feel bad if I walked around like that and then realized later that no one had said anything to me.

Only $19.95 said...

Thanks for sharing. Now I can't sleep either. ;P

Shanez said...

EWWWWWWWWW There is a certain woman I know that wears her pants so tight that everyone comments on her camel toe....I know ewwwwww. So one day there were a few of us having a conversation about evrything under the sun. I said one of the things that I couldn't stand was ladies wearing their pants so tight that it was cutting them in two. She responded with "I KNOW"..... Ummmmm helloooooo. One of the others ladies did pull her aside and speak with her...she got pissed at her and still wears her cootie cutters. Whadyagoingtodo? You could always write a postie stating "um lady your twat is showing" and slip it into her pool bag. :0)

Prochein Amy said...

I started wearing ankle socks and the skin that used to be covered by my taller socks felt weird and exposed. I thought I had a hole in my jeans.

So if she did not feel a breeze, does that mean she is used to her twat being exposed?

Suzie said...

That is so funny. I needed a good laugh. Needless to say I am off to the pool today. I am hoping I do not have to see that. Super Scary. Love your blog.

Kasey said...

Yuck! People wear some crazy things in public and just don't care.

And congrats on quitting smoking. My mom used Chantix recently and it really worked for her.

Count said...

Don't you have a camera on your cell phone? SohoS and I camped out on the beach one time and I got some pics of this dude wearing some crazy shit. I think I posted it or she did I can't remember. But it haunts me still years later when reading this post.

trying said...

oh wow. thats wow. im speechless thinking about it. and now its stuck in my mind. ***shudder***