Being alone sucks the life out of me. I've missed Scout every second that he's been gone. And the comments are getting to me: "Oh, you only have three months of the deployment left? That's not bad!".
Yeah, dickhead. You've never spent the weekend away from your spouse. Fuck you.
This year has been a year of realization - I've had to say good bye to a friend I thought I'd have until I was sitting in a wheelchair sucking air out of an oxygen tank and eating cafeteria food at a nursing home. Realization is a bitch.
And my job is hard. I mean harder than anything I've ever had to do. There are expectations from parents, students, other teachers, administrators, program coordinators and so on. I always feel like I'm on the brink of drowning. I turn my lesson plans in at the very last minute I can. I have very little patience with my students. I have missed homework assignments (that I'm not allowed to make up) for my teacher certification program. And that's so NOT me.
My house is a disaster. I never thought I'd be the person that hires someone to clean my house. But yeah, that is now who I am - the girl who pays someone to mop so that she can have five minutes to herself every once in a while.
Other things, well. You know I pretty much let it all hang out, but some of the events of 2008 are just things that I don't feel like I could really blog about. Uncomfortable, bittering things that I cannot even begin to wrap my brain around - much less write about. That's not me trying to be mysterious. That's me saying 2008 has SUCKED ASS!
Now that you're all thoroughly depressed, I'll share some loveliness that only my sweet Tucker (my ray of sunshine in the thunderstorm that was 2008) can provide.
This was a few months ago. He loves to pretend that he's driving. And he'll scream. Every. Single. Time. We. Get. In. The. Truck. Until I let him "drive":
Quite possibly one of my favorite pictures ever:
Playing with the letters that Grandma Seattle got him for Christmas:
I was trying to get the perfect pirate picture for birthday invitations (can you believe he's almost a year old?) after he ripped off the stick-on eye patch and we took away the bottle of scotch. It definitely doesn't have the same effect. But he's still freakin' cute:
And here's the most recent picture - he's playing with his Christmas loot in his "Santa's little helper" outfit:
Here's to 2009. Happy New Year.
7 comments:
Super glad to see a post from you . . . if only to say 2008 sucked ass - it is good to see you are definitely enjoying time with your little guy. I remember sending the link to your post of pictures to my deployed husband way back when as I was getting more and more excited about my impending popping date. I didn't trust that he suffered through bringing up a picture post over there so when he came back I showed him some of the really good ones you had done.
I can't believe it has been so close to a year. Glad he brightened the suckage and I hope this year brings happier times.
You have a tremendous amount of stuff on your plate and I hope you don't beat yourself up too badly for not living up to yours or anyone elses expectations. Seriously. That is a lot of stuff going on!
When the day (finally) gets here - I hope you, Scout and Tucker have a great time enjoying each other!
Oh my lord that child is cute...my favorite picture is the pirate pic...he's so...edible! Yum!
I hear ya on 2008 (of course not on a recent deployment...you've got us all beat there.;) I watched the ball drop on tv and was soooo stinkin' happy when it finally said "2009". I'm usually sad to see another year slip away but not this one...I like to call it the year of perpetually bad news! Yuck. Here's to better days ahead. :)
Hey, it's good to "see" you. My apologies on the awful year, and here's to a better one ahead!
And I don't think that child can get any cuter!!
Oh, Erin--I'm so sorry! I can't even imagine what you go through everyday. I have total admiration for what your family is doing. I can't imagine having my husband gone for so long, let along being in the military.
My thoughts are with you-- and I am so glad you have that super cute Tucker to keep you sane!
It was good to see a new post and hear you are doing your best to survive each day.
Here's to a great 2009!
Abbey
Hey! Glad I stopped by, even if for a bit. We need to do it more, even if it is 10 minutes at daycare or 20 at Starbucks with our little army of children.
The kids are excited about the party! Hang in there, I didn't get to half of my to-do list in 2008, but it'll be more fun to do it in 2009 with Scout & Gunner along (to babysit, lol).
In 20 years we'll laugh, I hope, at how stressed we were this school year, either that or be a padded room.
Let me know if you need ANYTHING, I'm only a phone call away.
I love you~
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